Feeling the warmth, support, acceptance and caring from the people close to us is one of the most exciting aspects of being alive. Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization, by David Johnson, is more than just a book. It is a journey into self-acceptance and the development of every aspect of interpersonal communication that anyone could ever want.

Johnson begins by explaining each concept, and then follows up with comprehension self-tests and exercises to assess and improve your interactions with other people. Below is a brief summary of important points from key chapters.

Self Understanding and Acceptance
We all have goals, and to reach those goals, we must have relationships with other people. Usually these relationships include shared goals. When people become involved in shared goals in a relationship, it becomes important to coordinate behavior to build the relationship so that each person can achieve these goals. This happens to students in every aspect of their lives from living in share accommodation to team projects in the classroom.

Self Disclosure
The first step in developing relationships involves self-disclosure. This means being able to share how you feel about events that have just occurred with another person. This does not mean revealing intimate details of your past life. People get to know you by learning how you react, not by what happened in your past history. Past history only helps if it clarifies why you are reacting in a certain way. People who self disclose too much can scare others away. Likewise, not enough closes you off to new relationships. Getting the balance right is important!

Development and Maintenance of Trust
Trust can take many years to build, but can be ruined by one destructive act. The key to being trustworthy is to be accepting and supporting. When you achieve this, others will be more willing to disclose their thoughts, ideas, theories, conclusions, feelings and reactions to you. The more trustworthy you are in response to such disclosures, the deeper and more personal will be the thoughts a person will share with you.

Other chapters focus on how to express your feelings through verbal and nonverbal means. With work, you can increase your awareness of how you communicate feelings to others. Try the exercises and get some practice in expressing your feelings and learn new ways of communicating verbally and nonverbally.

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict
A chapter on resolving interpersonal conflict explains that interpersonal storms are as common as storms in the earth’s weather system that range in intensity from rainstorms to hurricanes. Some have gentle rain, while others are accompanied by thunder and lightening. It is impossible for a relationship to be free from conflict, but you can learn how to reduce and deal with conflict.

Managing Feelings
Perhaps mots important for students is the chapter on anger, stress, and managing feelings. You can't avoid stress. How you manage stress has a great influence on your ability to reach out to other people, build relationships, and maintain it over a long period of time. The exercises in this chapter will assist you in identifying inappropriate stress, and managing it in new ways.

Other topics covered in this book include:

• The communication process
• Helpful listening and responding
• Building relationships with diverse others
• Barriers to interpersonal effectiveness